Inappropriate Joke of the Day

[fl57caveman]

Becoming an Irishman


Seven-year-old Mohammad entered his classroom in Dublin on the first day of school..

"What's your name?", asked the teacher.

"Mohammad," he replied.

"You're in Ireland now," replied the teacher, "so from now on you will be known as Mike."

Mohammad returned home after school.

"How was your day, Mohammad?" his mother asked.

"My name is not Mohammad. I'm in Ireland and now my name is Mike."

"Are you ashamed of your name?" his mother asked. "Are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!"

And his mother beat the shit out of him.

Then she called his father, who beat the shit out of him again.

The next day Mohammad returned to school.

The teacher saw all his fresh bruises. "What happened to you, Mike?" she asked.

"Well, shortly after becoming an Irishman, I was attacked by two fucking Muslims."

 

[bluedog46]

Wisdom of Children "Boys have a penis. Girls have a vagina" So simple yet liberals cant figure it out. Well except bill clinton.

 

[wildrider666]

My Wife was laughing hard, she showed the Vid.

https://youtu.be/ayHXSBAVWL4

 

[RidgeRunner]

I think that video may be racist.

 

[bohica793]

I think that video may be racist.

Racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, misogynistic, loaded with white privilege and conservative dog whistles. Did I miss anything?

 

[wildrider666]

Yeah, that's why it's so funny. Art mimicking Lefty Life. The foolishness of blanket "Labels and positions". LMAO

 

[FLT]

Careful, y’all might offend a glass licker ——————————or two.

 

[bohica793]

Careful, y’all might offend a glass licker ——————————or two.

And your point?

 

[FLT]

There’s supposed to be a point ?

 

[fl57caveman]

????????????????????
*ID ten T problem ...*

I had a problem with my computer yesterday, so I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over.

Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again."

Eric grinned .... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No," I replied.

"Write it down,' he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote down:

*ID10T*

I used to like Eric, the little bastard!

 

[Snake-Eyes]

Just a more-than-thinly veiled way to say what you feel:

30°26'36.38 -88°32'13.76

 

[bohica793]

Just a more-than-thinly veiled way to say what you feel:

30°26'36.38 -88°32'13.76

Now THAT'S funny.

 

[G-rat]

now THAT'S good comedy!

 

[Jpyritz]

Just a more-than-thinly veiled way to say what you feel:

30°26'36.38 -88°32'13.76

Guess I’m not as witty as the rest of you or I’m just not with the lat and long as the next guy. Could someone fill me in on this jewel?

 

[bohica793]

Guess I’m not as witty as the rest of you or I’m just not with the lat and long as the next guy. Could someone fill me in on this jewel?

https://www.google.com/maps/place/30°26'36.4"N+88°32'13.8"W/@30.4434389,-88.5371556,906m/data=!3m1!1e3!4m5!3m4!1s0x0:0x0!8m2!3d30.4434389!4d-88.5371556

Satellite view and zoom in on location.

 

[Jpyritz]

Ahhh hahaha. I tried that a few time but I guess I wasn’t getting anywhere with maps on my iPhone. Downloaded google maps. I got it now lmao

 

[fl57caveman]

Two married friends are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says,
You know I don’t know what else to do.
Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway.
I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. Take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds.
I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late.
His friend looks at him and says,
Well, you’re obviously taking the wrong approach.
I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap her on the ass and say
‘WHO’S HORNY????!!!’ and she acts like she’s sound asleep! Works every time!

 

[fl57caveman]

A middle-aged couple had finally learned how to send and receive texts on
their cell phones.

The wife, being a romantic at heart, sent her husband a text while she was out of the house
having coffee with a friend.
She texted:

If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you.

The husband, being a no-nonsense sort of guy, texted back:

I'm on the toilet. Please advise.

 

[fl57caveman]

Firefighter Lovemaking Rules

Firefighter Lovemaking Rules A firefighter came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: Bell 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, Bell 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go. From now on when I say Bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When say Bell 2, I want you to jump in bed. And when I say Bell 3, we are going to make love all night."

His wife thought it was a bit strange but also kinda kinky, so she agreed.

The next night he came home from work and yelled, "Bell 1!"

The wife promptly took all her clothes off.

When he yelled "Bell 2!", the wife jumped into bed.

When he yelled "Bell 3!", they began making love.

After a few minutes the wife yelled "Bell 4!"

"What the hell is Bell 4?" asked the husband.

The wife said, "Roll out more hose. You're nowhere near the fire."

 

[BamaFan]