Inappropriate Joke of the Day

[fl57caveman]

Here's a sad example of the witch hunt caused by the flood of sexual abuse allegations:


A good friend of mine, after 7 yrs. of medical school and training has been fired for one minor indiscretion.


He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession.


What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He's still paying off his school loans.


This just goes to show you how one minor mistake can ruin your life.


Thoughts and prayers for him and his family.


He is really a great guy, but more importantly a brilliant veterinarian.

 

[Snake-Eyes]

Here's a sad example of the witch hunt caused by the flood of sexual abuse allegations:


A good friend of mine, after 7 yrs. of medical school and training has been fired for one minor indiscretion.


He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession.


What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He's still paying off his school loans.


This just goes to show you how one minor mistake can ruin your life.


Thoughts and prayers for him and his family.


He is really a great guy, but more importantly a brilliant veterinarian.

 

[fl57caveman]

I boarded my flight to Boston and took my seat. As I settled in, I glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane, and she was heading straight towards me.

As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside mine.

Eager to strike up a conversation, I asked. "Business trip or pleasure?"


She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nympho-maniacs of America Convention in Boston ."

Damn, I thought, here is the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen sitting next to me, and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain my composure, I calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded, "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?” I said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well, she explained, "One popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait."

"Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best."

"I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name..."

"Tonto,” I said,

“Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba.​

 

[fl57caveman]

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together ...over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having
sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,



"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

 

[fl57caveman]

 

[Snake-Eyes]

 

[fl57caveman]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9ETlTZoF1E

 

[Snake-Eyes]

She's the joke, the language makes this the appropriate thread, and regardless: it made me laugh. So...

 

[bluedog46]

Here is one

What sound does the cow make? Moo. What sound does a pig make? Oink ( note in many ghetto areas the answer by the child will be freeze mother f*cker). What sound does a rooster make? Cock a doodle doo. What sound does donald trump make after democrats keep coming up empty every time they try to bring him down? MEEP MEEP ( as in the road runner) I wish he would say that to nancy.


How many democrats does it take to screw a taxpayer? Three. One to hold him. One to screw him and one to assure him that he is not being screwed.

When as the last time you would see that many democrats in white as seen at the last couple state of the unions? Various kkk documentaries.

 

[fl57caveman]

AT The Dublin Bar





A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a bar in Dublin


She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people
sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a woman a drink?"


The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her.


But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed,

"Give the ballerina a drink!"


The bartender poured the drink, and the woman chugged it down.


She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"


Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said,

"Give the ballerina another drink!"


The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me, Paddy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?"


The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"

 

[fl57caveman]

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"

 

[fl57caveman]

*1. Kamasutra says : If you suck one nipple, the women herself offers the other one. And that was the origin of "buy one get one free"!*

*2. Did you ever notice: everything on a woman's upper body starts with a "B". Blouse, Bra, Bikini, Boobs and lower body with a "P" Peticoat, panties, pussy... That's origin of "BP"!*

*3. Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself. Moral: In life no one helps you once you're fucked.*

*4. Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.*

*5. What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction? What the Fuck! and What a Fuck!*

*6. 3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!*

*7. Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.*

*8. Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes. A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life..!*

*9. When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "Congrats!". But none of them come and touch the man's Penis and say "Well done!".*

*Moral: Hard work is never appreciated: Only result matters.*

 

[Anangrypasta]

Given the current state of politics, I find this one delightfully inappropriate:

Why did the cop go to work early?

To beat the crowd.

 

[fl57caveman]

a wife was cleaning 12 yr old son's bedroom, and found a boatload of some serious bondage gear, and s & m fetish mags...she asks her husband, "what do we do?"

husband says; "well I am no expert, but I damn well wouldn't spank him..."

 

[OldMan]

How are Erotic and Kinky different.?

To be Erotic you use a Feather.


To be Kinky...You use the whole chicken

 

[OldMan]

Given the current state of politics, I find this one delightfully inappropriate:

Why did the cop go to work early?

To beat the crowd.

I can only wish

 

[OldMan]

The Man test:

In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
A. Lovemaking.
B. Screwing.
C. Taking the dickskin rocket to tuna town.

2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
B. Your blood test results.
C. Five tequila slammers.

3. You time your orgasm so that:
A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously
C. You don't miss NASCAR races.

4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
A. Healthy, creative love-play.
B. Not the sort of thing your wife would agree to.
C. Not the sort of thing your wife needs to ever find out about.

5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
A. The best part of the experience.
B. The second best part of the experience.
C. $100 extra.

6. Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:
A. Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her.
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
C. A conservative estimate.

7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
A. A myth.
B. An oxymoron.
C. A moron.

8. Foreplay is to sex as:
A. An appetizer is to entree.
B. Primer is to paint.
C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.

9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
A. "I hope we can still be friends."
B. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep.."
C. "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU."

10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place..

Evaluating Results:

-If you answered "A" more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really ARE a man.
-If you answered "B" more than 7 times, check into therapy. You're a little confused.
-If you answered "C" more than 7 times, "YOU DA MAN!"

I have gone from being an MANGINA TO DA MAN..

HOW?

I am not in a relationship

 

[fl57caveman]

A handful of 7 year old children in Australia were asked what they thought of beer.
There were some interesting responses, but the last one is especially touching.

'I think beer must be good. My Dad says the more beer he drinks the prettier my Mum gets.'
Tim, 7 years old

'Beer makes my Dad sleepy and we get to watch what we want on television when he is asleep, so beer is nice.'
Melanie, 7 years old

'My Mum and Dad both like beer. My Mum gets funny when she drinks it and takes her top off at parties, but Dad doesn't think this is very funny.'
Grady, 7 years old

''My Mum and Dad talk funny when they drink beer and the more they drink the more they give kisses to each other, which is a good thing.'
Toby, 7 years old

'My Dad gets funny on beer. He is funny. He also wets his pants sometimes, so he shouldn't have too much.'
Sarah, 7 years old

'My Dad loves beer. The more he drinks, the better he dances. One time he danced right into the pool.'
Lily, 7 years old

'I don't like beer very much. Every time Dad drinks it, he burns the sausages on the barbecue and they taste disgusting.'
Ethan, 7 years old

'I give Dad's beer to the dog and he goes to sleep.'
Shirley, 7 years old

AND THE BEST RESPONSE

'My Mum drinks beer and she says silly things and picks on my father. Whenever she drinks beer she yells at Dad
and tells him to go bury his bone down the street again, but that doesn't make any sense.'
Jack, 7 years old

 

[OldMan]

 

[Big Shrek]

Since yesterday was the Jarhead's Birthday Ball...
I'll have to help screw up their hangover's today.

Know the difference between the Military Helicopter names??
The Army calls 'em Choppers,
the Navy calls 'em Helo's,
and the Marines grunt at the thing moving in the sky...

Know the difference between a Female Marine and a Zebra??
Zebra doesn't have to lay on its back to get its stripes...

Whattya call a WM on her knees??
Promoted...

How do Marines count?
1, 2, 3, 4, I love the Marine Corps!
(whispers..."what comes after 4?" other Jarhead whispers back, "5, many, lots!")