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Tourist season is here (satire)

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  • IronBeard

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    The time of year we all love to hate has come. Went to Destin yesterday AM and heading north in the PM saw that southbound traffic was backed up from the toll gates well over a mile. Won't be going back until after Labor day.

    Some tourist season advice. Please a feel free to add.

    Chose a caliber appropriate to task.

    Always be sure of what lies beyond your target.

    Do not leave your gut pile where it might shock/offend non-hunters.

    Be particularly wary of the large, female tourist. Those with young are already quite ill-tempered, and when combined with sunburn, high alcohol/sugar intake, and lack of sleep, may charge with little to no warning/provocation. They are doubly dangerous when the accompanying male has been caught scanning the local females.
     
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    I just avoid all tourist areas for the entire summer, it’s to dang hot anyway. I live close enough to go anytime, why go when everyone is their already.


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    wildrider666

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    I'm pretty tolerant toward Touristas. They add a lot of traffic and either drive slow while lost/sightseeing or recklessly and not much curtesy displayed. Their tax dollars keep my resident taxes low. Bikini season is nice but you have to take the good with the ugh. Gas goes up a few cents and restaurants get long wait times. We dine early or avoid budget food.

    Being a "Local" has its perks. Several places from restutants to surf shops cut 10% off or other discounts to locals. Seating/wait less and service is better to because we''re recognized here supporting those same businesses during lighter business months too.

    Main rules for tourists:
    Don't do shit here you wouldn't do on your home town main street.
    Watch and control your kids, especially in and around the water.
    Don't litter, expecting others to pick up your trash.

    Had a pretty large school of hammerheads within 40 feet of the beach (in 4-5 feet of water) today. That won't be on the news. Lol
     
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    Another rule for tourists;
    Pay attention to warnings, if you’re not familiar with an area and it’s possible dangers, be overly cautious, listen to, and heed warnings such as “Red Flags”
    They are their to keep you safe.
    I don’t go to Kansas and ignore tornado warnings, don’t come to the beach and ignore the flag warnings.
    Nothing worse than seeing a family loose a loved one while they are suppose to be enjoying they’re time together.
    To the locals;
    Pack your patience, traffic will get worse and therefore tempers will flare. Find alternate routes to avoid the aggravation.


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    SAWMAN

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    Hey Frank, you glad your out of Destin now ??
    I live a couple miles off of Hwy. 29,several miles north of P'cola. This is a major route between the beach and I-65.
    My point . . . even "way out here" gets extremely busy this time of year. The whole of NW Fla smells of Noxzema this time of year. --- SAWMAN
     

    Viking1204

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    My wife and I were kidless this weekend for the first time in a long time as the little one slept over at a fiend's house Friday and Saturday night. Saturday morning we hit the Farmer's Market in FWB by 8 am and drove to Hobby Lobby in Destin to be there when they opened at 9 am, no problem with traffic. Saw the traffic building towards Destin when we headed back to FWB around 10:00 to go to Sam's. Did our shopping at Sam's and home by 11 am. We've vowed the only time we'll go to Destin for the rest of the summer is early in the morning.
     

    IronBeard

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    In all seriousness, if you've never seen the ocean before and are not experienced in swimming in large bodies of water, don't get in over your head. But they will.
     

    wildrider666

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    We have 2-3 adults fall to their deaths from walkways or balconies at hotels, 4-5 drown; some from stupidity (their's or parents) the rest from trying to rescue the stupid.

    Scooter (49cc) kill one buts severly injure dozens. Low cc allows anyone with a basic DL to rent them. The rental shops make the majority of profit from totaled or damaged scooter repair. Worse part is these unskilled scooter drivers swarm the roads by the hundreds like army ants following no rules, cop sonly cite few of them because of traffic backup they can't pursue them well. PCB has been trying to force scooter shops out of business for 5 years but has lost in Court. They rent golf carts too, at least they mostly follow the rules of the road. Most carts can't reach road speed (35mph) which obstruct flow and they never pull to the side.

    Just another day on the beach. The micro bikini clad gals ease my aggravation, Lol.
     

    USAF Sarge

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    LOL, here in Panama City, I seldom venture west of the Hathaway Bridge during tourist season (AKA going to Panama City Beach). My only reason for doing so is if I'm headed to the gun range.

    https://myfwc.com/hunting/safety-education/shooting-ranges/bay/

    When I do that I go the back route to avoid traffic. I can't stand being in traffic for hours with the rubber neckers.
     

    Welldoya

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    I stay off Hwy 98 anywhere east of Navarre. I don’t go to Destin anytime, no matter the season.
     

    Big Shrek

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    In all seriousness, if you've never seen the ocean before and are not experienced in swimming in large bodies of water, don't get in over your head. But they will.

    Yep, done my share of water rescue, had one joker at Pensacola Beach try to climb on top of me because he freaked out after getting a mouthfull from a big wave...simply sank and came up from behind, slapped a full-nelson on him and hauled him in backwards...Boy Scouts taught me that trick!

    Oh, and Bone Creek Recreation Area...
    BEWARE that big-ass gator under the dock.
    Don't swim there, at all. Period.
    Saw a kid having trouble while walking on the dock with a gal...tried to get him to swim to me, but he started getting even more excited and thrashing...starting to go under, so I handed my gal my wallet and jumped in, cannonball-style because I knew it was only about 5' deep there....well, landed on top of the alligator in the murky water...scared the heck outta it and me. He was about 2 feet down, unseen...when my 300lb self landed square on his back and pushed him to the bottom...he shot off to the left, I grabbed the kid and quickly water-ran over to the dock & tossed him up to my gal, pulled myself out very quickly...then turned around and watched the gator heading off into the distance. Big sucker...he was around 12' then. Lot bigger now, from a recent report...and still hanging out under the dock. The kid had seen the gator and was freaking, and when it went under, he started the thrashing and going under from fright...fortunately my landing was exactly where it needed to be...on top of the beasty! Although you could take bets on which was more surprised at the time...me from landing on it, or the gator from me landing on it...lol I laugh now, but at the time it was like "Bleep Me!"and my eyebrows went over my head to the back! The 8yr old is now 20-ish...wonder if he remembers it or if time & stuff has let it fade away?? Lord knows I remember every second and the feeling of my feet landing on that gator...ain't been in anything but a pool since!! Can't even look at a body of water without scanning the heck out of it now.

    The funny thing, NOBODY else in the area noticed what was going on. They were all on the other side of the dock and never saw the gator, or the kid in trouble, only us jumping around, which kinda looked like we were just playing and having fun...situational awareness Zero. So warned 'em about the gator and headed out.
     

    USAF Sarge

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    Yep, done my share of water rescue, had one joker at Pensacola Beach try to climb on top of me because he freaked out after getting a mouthfull from a big wave...simply sank and came up from behind, slapped a full-nelson on him and hauled him in backwards...Boy Scouts taught me that trick!

    Oh, and Bone Creek Recreation Area...
    BEWARE that big-ass gator under the dock.
    Don't swim there, at all. Period.
    Saw a kid having trouble while walking on the dock with a gal...tried to get him to swim to me, but he started getting even more excited and thrashing...starting to go under, so I handed my gal my wallet and jumped in, cannonball-style because I knew it was only about 5' deep there....well, landed on top of the alligator in the murky water...scared the heck outta it and me. He was about 2 feet down, unseen...when my 300lb self landed square on his back and pushed him to the bottom...he shot off to the left, I grabbed the kid and quickly water-ran over to the dock & tossed him up to my gal, pulled myself out very quickly...then turned around and watched the gator heading off into the distance. Big sucker...he was around 12' then. Lot bigger now, from a recent report...and still hanging out under the dock. The kid had seen the gator and was freaking, and when it went under, he started the thrashing and going under from fright...fortunately my landing was exactly where it needed to be...on top of the beasty! Although you could take bets on which was more surprised at the time...me from landing on it, or the gator from me landing on it...lol I laugh now, but at the time it was like "Bleep Me!"and my eyebrows went over my head to the back! The 8yr old is now 20-ish...wonder if he remembers it or if time & stuff has let it fade away?? Lord knows I remember every second and the feeling of my feet landing on that gator...ain't been in anything but a pool since!! Can't even look at a body of water without scanning the heck out of it now.

    The funny thing, NOBODY else in the area noticed what was going on. They were all on the other side of the dock and never saw the gator, or the kid in trouble, only us jumping around, which kinda looked like we were just playing and having fun...situational awareness Zero. So warned 'em about the gator and headed out.

    Thank you very much for the laughs, while the situation itself wasn't funny, your description of your actions had me and my wife laughing. Just what the doctor ordered a good healthy laugh.
     

    IronBeard

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    Never gave gators much of a thought in tourist areas, buy yeah, I guess they're gonna gator. I wonder how many tourists have seen the aerial pics of sharks in the trough between the sand bars? I guess if you ignore it, it isn't so. After all, we're on vacation.
     

    Welldoya

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    When I lived in Panama City in the 70s, before and after Labor Day was like night and day. You could go to the beach the day after Labor Day and all the businesses were closed and it was like a ghost town. Really nice.
    Destin was the same way.
    After I moved to Pensacola in 1979 I used to look forward to the drive to PC after Labor Day. That was before Henderson Park and the drive through that area was along the Gulf. There was nothing but woods from Sandestin to Phillips Inlet.
    Heck, I remember the old 2 lane drawbridge in Panama City. On a holiday weekend, the westbound traffic to the beach would back up to Lisenby Ave.
     

    IronBeard

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    When I lived in Panama City in the 70s, before and after Labor Day was like night and day. You could go to the beach the day after Labor Day and all the businesses were closed and it was like a ghost town. Really nice.
    Destin was the same way.
    After I moved to Pensacola in 1979 I used to look forward to the drive to PC after Labor Day. That was before Henderson Park and the drive through that area was along the Gulf. There was nothing but woods from Sandestin to Phillips Inlet.
    Heck, I remember the old 2 lane drawbridge in Panama City. On a holiday weekend, the westbound traffic to the beach would back up to Lisenby Ave.

    I was at Hurlburt back in the '80s. Have been back here now a little over 20 years, and it is definitely no longer what we came back for. Not just everything associated with tourism, but the uncontrolled building and resulting congestion, and the added cost/fees have pretty much offset the lack of state income tax. We are planning to move and retire elsewhere now.
     
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    Tourrorists Strike Again

    A new market has opened up for dentist offices. They're no longer just places to maintain oral hygiene and fix a tooth ache, no, the female portion of the upcoming Generation Z has shown one can also buy butt floss beach wear. Who would have guessed?


    IQ Dump

    "I'm on vacation and I don't have to care about anything except relaxing and having a good time. After all, I've worked so hard all year and I've EARNED it."
    It's interesting how respect and general frontal lobe function go out the window for the majority of tourists when they visit. Sure there's the inhibition of alcohol, pot, bath salts (ha), and the like, but these aren't always necessarily the causing factor. Perhaps, it's fault of the age of entitlement and internet. "I'm entitled to this vacation, therefore I can do whatever I want without regard to anything." And the latter where people are so distracted and buried in their phones; they can also be jackasses to anyone on the internet without recourse. To them reality is no longer real, but an increasingly strange, awkward existence in which brain function lacks if there is no screen.

    My GF and I call it zombie mode - people fall off balconies, get run over, crash scooters, drown, acquire third degree sunburns, etc - think about it, loads of brain dead activity.
     

    Dan1612

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    I saw a bumper sticker of the Pensacola beach sign, with “locals only” written on it. The idiotic “Local” mindset makes me laugh. It seems some people didn’t pay attention in economics class. Fun fact: tourism is Florida’s largest industry. No, it’s not all pretty and wonderful, but the overall benefit far outweighs the occasional inconvenience. The really ironic part is that, just like in Hawaii, it’s often the position of those who least contribute to their own local economy.
    One more thing, do they know where their unemployment check comes from? FL-RT6, paid by local businesses with funds that come largely from... drumroll.... tourism. Hmmm...
    Rant over.
     
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