3 men & a boat
Master
My wife said taking the kids Trick or Treating would be fun.
She was right!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
She was right!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Please read the new forum rules! REQUIRED!
Click Here: https://www.gulfcoastgunforum.com/threads/general-forum-rules-code-of-conduct.70770/
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New Reloading Sticky Thread for Trading, Swapping Gear, etc.
https://www.gulfcoastgunforum.com/threads/reloading-components-for-trade-item-value-and-photo.104847/
Stream of Consciousness/General Conversation Thread
- Thread starter TennJeep1618
- Start date
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Viking1204
Master
Kevin had shingles. Those of us who spend a lot of time in a doctor's
office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that
physicians are running their practices like an assembly line? Here's
what happened to Kevin:
Kevin walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what
he had. Kevin said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address,
medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Kevin what he
had . . . Kevin said, 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his height, weight, a
complete medical history and told Kevin to wait in the examining room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Kevin what he had. Kevin
said, 'Shingles . . . ' So the nurse gave Kevin a blood test, a blood
pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Kevin to take off all his
clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and found Kevin sitting patiently in
the nude and asked Kevin what he had.
Kevin said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?' Kevin said, 'Outside
on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??'
office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that
physicians are running their practices like an assembly line? Here's
what happened to Kevin:
Kevin walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what
he had. Kevin said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address,
medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Kevin what he
had . . . Kevin said, 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his height, weight, a
complete medical history and told Kevin to wait in the examining room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Kevin what he had. Kevin
said, 'Shingles . . . ' So the nurse gave Kevin a blood test, a blood
pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Kevin to take off all his
clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and found Kevin sitting patiently in
the nude and asked Kevin what he had.
Kevin said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?' Kevin said, 'Outside
on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??'
A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver-haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh . . . "Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver-haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh . . . "Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
Viking1204
Master
So I found out today after being a Verizon customer for several years they offer a !5% discount for Veterans! That's $16.50 per month I've missed out on saving for the last few years. The chat girl I chatted with was nice enough to give me two months credit on this month's bill.
Viking1204
Master
SAWMAN
Master
Yes they do. You have to renew it every year or so.
CAUTION: They want to see a copy of your DD-214. They will not accept your retired military ID. Why ?? They cannot make a copy of it.
They will accept some other forms of ID. They asked me for my VA card.
FOR ME . . . my DD-214's (all three pages) are very personal. I will not show it to just anyone. YMMV --- SAWMAN
CAUTION: They want to see a copy of your DD-214. They will not accept your retired military ID. Why ?? They cannot make a copy of it.
They will accept some other forms of ID. They asked me for my VA card.
FOR ME . . . my DD-214's (all three pages) are very personal. I will not show it to just anyone. YMMV --- SAWMAN
not all of these are safe to say, choose wisely..
Sensitivity Training Needed....*
*1. I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning.*
*2. The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did. She's 25, and her name's Kathy.*
*3. Went to our local bar with my wife last night. Locals started shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my wife is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.*
*4. My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's three schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."*
*5. The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.*
*6. A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead." The operator says, "How do you know?" The man says, "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"*
*7. I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."*
*8. My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.*
*9. The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute to the floods in Pakistan. I said, "We'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway."*
*10. WARNING!!! IF YOU GET AN EMAIL TITLED, "NUDE PHOTO OF HILLARY CLINTON," DON'T OPEN IT. It contains a nude photo of Hillary Clinton.*
Sensitivity Training Needed....*
*1. I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning.*
*2. The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did. She's 25, and her name's Kathy.*
*3. Went to our local bar with my wife last night. Locals started shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my wife is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.*
*4. My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's three schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."*
*5. The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.*
*6. A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead." The operator says, "How do you know?" The man says, "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"*
*7. I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."*
*8. My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.*
*9. The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute to the floods in Pakistan. I said, "We'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway."*
*10. WARNING!!! IF YOU GET AN EMAIL TITLED, "NUDE PHOTO OF HILLARY CLINTON," DON'T OPEN IT. It contains a nude photo of Hillary Clinton.*
| + - WOMEN'S ASS SIZE STUDY There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses; the results were pretty interesting: 30% of women think their ass is too fat... 10% of women think their ass is too skinny... The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he's a good man and they wouldn't trade him for the world |
actual court case in austrailia
CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.
She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at
her. She
immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved
again. The man seemed
more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she
complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court.
The judge asked the man (about 20 years old)
what he had to say for himself.
The man replied, 'Well your Honor, it was like this: when
the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her
condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The
Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,
'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to
smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said,
'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.
But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time
and sat under a sign that said,
'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this'
... I just lost it.'
'CASE DISMISSED!'
CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.
She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at
her. She
immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved
again. The man seemed
more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she
complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court.
The judge asked the man (about 20 years old)
what he had to say for himself.
The man replied, 'Well your Honor, it was like this: when
the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her
condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The
Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,
'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to
smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said,
'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.
But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time
and sat under a sign that said,
'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this'
... I just lost it.'
'CASE DISMISSED!'
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HOSPITAL CHART BLOOPERS (Actual writings from hospital charts)
1 . The patient refused autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8 The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
(OMG! that is some examination)
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22 The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
1 . The patient refused autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8 The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
(OMG! that is some examination)
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22 The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
A Young Programmer Has an Interview
Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked the young programmer:
"And what starting salary were you looking for?"
The programmer said, "In the neighborhood of $75,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company Corvette leased every 2 years?"
The programmer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?"
The HR Person replied, "Certainly... but you started it."
Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked the young programmer:
"And what starting salary were you looking for?"
The programmer said, "In the neighborhood of $75,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company Corvette leased every 2 years?"
The programmer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?"
The HR Person replied, "Certainly... but you started it."
Viking1204
Master
Wetter than I or my truck have ever seen it LOL! Glad Jeff was able to pull me out without much effort! Jacking the truck up on all 4 corners and putting boards under the wheels was the key to getting out of the muck! Made for a short weekend. Can someone tell me why the forum rotates pictures and how to fix it?
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